March 21, 2010
I haven't been doing much reading lately. I go through phases; sometimes it's like I can't read quickly enough to satisfy my hunger for words and books, and other times I have no appetite.
This morning, however, I started re-reading a book called Bread and Wine, which is a book of short readings for Lent and Easter. Devoured is probably a better word to describe my reading behavior. I didn't even know I was hungry, but once I started reading I realized I was utterly famished for deep, meaningful words of Truth.
Here are some delicious morsels to savor:
"Jesus came as the revealer of love. Jesus reveals God by being utterly transparent to him. What had been cloaked in mystery is clear in Jesus- that God is love. No man or woman has ever loved like Jesus Christ. Therein lies his divinity for me."
—Brennan Manning
"Christianity is the only religion on earth that has felt that omnipotence made God incomplete. Christianity alone has felt that God, to be wholly God, must have been a rebel as well as a king. Alone of all creeds, Christianity has added courage to the virtues of the Creator. For the only courage worth calling courage must necessarily mean that the soul passes a breaking point- and does not break."
—G. K. Chesterton
"It is important for us to realize that when Jesus says, 'It is accomplished,' he does not simply mean, 'I have done all the things I wanted to do.' He also means, 'I have allowed things to be done to me that needed to be done to me in order for me to fulfill my vocation.' Jesus does not fulfill his vocation in action only but also in passion... All action ends in passion because the response to our action is out of our hands. That is the mystery of work, the mystery of love, the mystery of friendship, the mystery of community- they always involve waiting. And that is the mystery of Jesus' love. God reveals himself in Jesus as the one who waits for our response."
—Henri Nouwen
February 20, 2010
This past week marked the beginning of the Lent season. Adam and I attended an Ash Wednesday service at an episcopal church here in Anderson, where we received ashes on our foreheads and were reminded that "we are from dust, and from dust we shall return."
I love following the traditional church calendar. Lent is a time to prepare our hearts for Easter, the greatest moment in human history. Before I started observing Lent, Easter used to "sneak up" on me. Now, I spend 46 days contemplating the magnitude of Jesus’ perfect sacrifice and glorious resurrection. I change my routine by giving up or adding something so that I can have a constant reminder of the discomfort Jesus felt on the cross.
Adam and I were both reminded of our frailty and weakness as the minister put cross-shaped ashes on our foreheads this past week. This is such a good position to be - in humility before our Lord and Savior. We wait in eager expectation when we can celebrate Jesus’ victory over death, the same victory we as believers have in Christ.
January 17, 2010
Instead of making a list of goals for the year, I have decided to choose one word to live by in 2010. This idea came from a delightful blog I read called "Two Writing Teachers." So, without further ado, I give you my 2010 word to live by: dwell. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defiines this word like this: to remain, to live as a resident, to keep the attention directed. Adam and I spent the better part of 2009 trying to determine where we should live- where our earthly dwelling place should be. And so our recent decision to remain where we are for the time being has given us both a great amount of peace. I don't know what is in store for us down the road, but I do know that God has placed us in Anderson right now, and I want to dwell, remain, live fully in the present here. I want to experience life abundantly, invest in relationships, and look for ways to love the people around me. I want our home, our dwelling place, to be a haven of joy, comfort, and peace.
"You have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. From everlasting to everlasting you are God." Psalm 90:1-2
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly." Colossians 3:16
December 19, 2009
I know God is trying to speak to me when he uses two unrelated sources to teach the same truth. And of course, the truth is simple: to love is to be vulnerable.
Source #1: Andy Stanley's message to the NewSpring staff. He spoke about being defined (as individuals, as the church, as the body of Christ) by our radical love for others. There are- or will be- times in our lives where we have to make a choice: to win the argument or to win the person's heart back. But we can't have both. If we choose to win the person's heart back, then we have to give up that human nature urge to prove the other person's wrongdoing or guilt. We have to take the blame in order to restore the relationship.
Source #2: A chapter by Tim Keller in the book Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus. He explains that when we decide we want the other person back, we must take down our defenses, absorb the verbal blows, and become vulnerable. This "costly act of redemption" hurts, but it's the only way to truly restore a relationship. He talks about the gift of vulnerability that God has given us through his Son. "There is no way to have a real relationship without becoming vulnerable to hurt. And Christmas tells us that God became breakable and fragile. God became someone we could hurt. Why? To get us back."
My God became vulnerable, took down his defenses, and accepted the blame for my wrongdoing. A costly act of redemption- in order to win my heart.
November 29, 2009
I can think of nothing more I want to write about this morning than my darling twin nephews. Adam and I just spent the last few days with them over the Thanksgiving holiday- and I must admit- they have stolen my heart. Aiden and Zane are just over a year old now, born just before Thanksgiving last year. Aiden with his blond hair and blue eyes, and Zane, a bit smaller, with his brown hair and deep brown eyes- they had me at "mamamama-nananana." They are just starting to walk, but crawling is still a much quicker and easier option for them. When they see something they want, they go scooting across the carpet, and before you know it, they are chewing on your shoe or grabbing for your phone, or knocking over your diet coke. But in their Auntie Allison's eyes, they can do no wrong! At this age, they are entertained by the simplest things- like a game of peak-a-boo, or a toy that lights up and sings, and of course bath time. Getting them to smile and laugh was one of my favorite past times during my visit. Zane has started to talk a little bit- he can say "mama" and "dada" and "nana" (when mommy brings out the banana for snack time), but Aiden has yet to use his vocal cords for any intelligible speak. He'll follow after his brother soon, there's no doubt. They do everything together- meal time, nap time, bath time, play time. And my sister-in-law is doing such a fabulous job being a mommy. Watching her routine with them- all consuming- made me realize what a sacrificial lifestyle being a mommy really is. But oh so rewarding. After a long day of mommy-ing, there is a deep look of contentment in her tired face.
One day I'll be a mommy, but for now I'm very content being a doting aunt to my sweet little nephews.
November 14, 2009
I am feeling so burdened for one of my students right now. And I am compelled to write out his story if for no other reason than to help me process how I can be a better teacher for him. He is an eighth grader with a cognitive disability that severely limiits his academic functioniong (he reads below a 1st grade level). He lives in a group home - that fact brings me the most sadness- he does not have a single person in his life who chooses to be with him. The people in his home life are there because it's their job. Of course I'm not saying that they are not doing the best they can to provide for his needs, but a group home is NO substitute for a family. I strongly believe that this young man does not know what it feels like to be loved. So he comes to school and acts out- because he doesn't know how else to get attention, because he doesn't know how to express his frustration, because of so many factors in his life that are out of his control. He comes to my class everyday for 1 hour to get reading instruction. When I read stories out loud to him and his classmates, he hangs on every word- and gets closer so he can see the pictures better and laughs out loud at all the funny parts. This of course makes him impossible not to like. But sometimes he gets really mad at me. Like when I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, or when I have to make him miss his recess because he won't stop talking and being silly with his classmates. And then he says things like "I hate this school" or "I don't like your class." And that makes me really sad because I know he doesn't mean that - but he doesn't know how to express his emotions or handle his anger and frustrations. So I take him outside and tell him that I love having him as a student and then I whisper to him "you're one of my favorite students and I would be so sad if you weren't in my class!" And when I say that- he tries to hide the smile that he can feel coming, but eventually he can't hold it in. (He's so easy to crack.) And then we go back in the classroom and continue learning about the difference between the long and short A sounds.
But how can I truly help him? How can I keep my professional teacher/student relationship but at the same time show him what it feels like to be loved - unconditionally? And as finish this blog entry and think about how I am going to spend the rest of my weekend, I can't help but wonder - how is he spending his weekend?
November 07, 2009
I have a new bike. It was a birthday present from my dear husband. I have no idea how to describe this bike in technical terms, but I can tell you that it is light blue and has a vintage-looking seat and handle bars. Adorable! But it must be a pretty good bike, because Adam approved it and he worked in a bike shop for 7 years. My plan is to add a basket to the front, and use it as an alternate mode of transportation for when I am traveling short distances around town. I haven't really ridden a bike consistantly since I was in elementary school - riding to and from swimming practice in the summer time. So, we'll see how this goes- fortunately it hasn't gotten too cold in South Carolina yet, so I think I still have some ideal bike riding weather ahead of me.
I told my students that I got a bike for my birthday and they laughed. Then I told them that I would love to ride my bike to work, and one of them said that he just hopes no one sees me. Wouldn't you be embarrassed, he said? I laughed. So glad my students are concerned about my reputation. In fact, I hope everyone sees me- maybe I can start a trend...
October 17, 2009
Well good morning, allisonspooner.com. Thanks to my lovely geeked-out husband, I can now enjoy a little corner of the web world without blogspot attached to its name. This is my new space for sharing the happenings of a wife, teacher, and learner. Thanks for visiting.
I have been MIA for the past 2 weekends because of travels. But as a result of my travels, I have much to write. Exactly 2 weeks ago, I was waking up to a delightful New York morning, with people to see and places to go. And 1 week ago, I was in St. Louis, getting ready to attend the Bergt family reunion in my grandfather's hometown of Frohna. And here I am again this morning, watching the day begin right outside my backyard of our little house in Anderson, SC.
New York was the same brilliant city that Adam and I left that morning of June 28th- and yet ever-changing, constantly moving on to bigger and better things. Adam and I were just plain giddy in the plane looking out onto the sparkling skyline, and then in the cab with the windows rolled down, taking in all the sights and sounds and smells of the city. We spend the weekend in the company of dear friends- and it felt so normal and comforatable that it was almost like we had never left. We ate as many delicious meals as we could squeeze in to one weekend: Cafe de Soleil, Westville, Shake Shack, Thai Market, Indus Valley. We visited to Trinity Grace Church, our beloved community for the 2 years we lived in New York. What can I say? It was just good to be back.
My parents, Bethany and Michael, Fiona, and I rendevouzed in St. Louis last weekend for a much anticipated family reunion on my mother's side of the family - the Bergts. Just south of St. Louis, there is a memorial which serves to honor and remember the group of people who came over from Saxony, Germany, and settled the tiny town of Frohna, MO in 1839. Among the hundreds of people who came over in 1839 were 2 brothers: Christian and Wilhelm Bergt. Christian is my great-great-great-great grandfather. Hooray for family ancestry! This past weekend was the annual Fall Festival in Frohna, and they were also hosting the Bergt family reunion. Hundreds of people gathered for a day of delicious food, browsing craft booths, and mingling with relatives and friends. I was so proud to be representing the 7th generation of Christian Bergt!
We spent the rest of the weekend in St. Louis- a place that we visited often when we were little. My grandparents lived in St. Louis until about 10 years ago, when they moved to High Point, NC, to be closer to their children and grandchildren. So of course, St. Louis is a magical town for me- I will always be able to experience it through my childhood eyes- the beautiful arch overlooking the city, the St. Louis cardinals, Ted Drewes famous frozen custard, Federhoffer's gooey butter cake. It was delightful to relive all of these childhood memories in one weekend.
Now it's back to my normal Saturday routine: up early, journaling and blogging, getting ready to go clean the house. Here's to exciting adventures as well as ordinary everyday routines. :)
September 26, 2009
Hello, Saturday morning. I am really starting to enjoy this little routine I have going for my Saturdays - sleep in a little bit, have an extended quiet time with a very large cup of coffee, write in my journal, and write on my blog. Since I've started my job, drinking a cup of coffee in the morning is now considered a luxury. Let me explain. I get to work around 7:30, and my students arrive at 8:00. Then I teach non-stop until 12:20. I am lucky if I can squeeze in a bathroom break, but that is just not always possible. Therefore, I have to be very careful about how much liquid I consume in the morning.. if you know what I mean. I have also started cleaning my house every Saturday morning. I NEVER would have thought that house cleaning would become a routine for me. It has always been something I put off until I can't stand it any longer, or when I know that people are coming over. But now I am actually enjoying this new routine. I listen to my ipod and clean to my heart's content. The hard labor is well worth the satisfaction of getting to enjoy a clean house for the rest of the weekend.
I think God created the world with routines in mind. He made 24 hour cycles- day and night- so that we could rest everyday and wake up ready to start a new day. We get to experience morning (my favorite) every single day! He didn't have to do it this way- he could have made us so that we only need 5 minutes of rest, or maybe that we wiggle our ears in order to be rested. He also made 7 day cycles, and gave us the perfect example of working 6 days and resting on the 7th day. And now, thousands of years after the world came into existence, the world still slows down (if maybe just a little bit) on Sundays. I am learning to take my Sabbath very seriously- He knows what I need so much more than I do!
September 19, 2009
I had a physically and emotionally exhausting week. But here are some small moments of my week that made me smile...
* I received emails from two different friends this week, simply encouraging me and telling me that they were praying for me. What a blessing to know that people are sharing my burdens with me!
* One of my students wrote me a note on the top of his word study quiz that said, "You rock!"
* On Wednesday during 5th period, my eighth graders didn't want to stop reading. They begged me to give them a few more minutes to read. So I did, gladly! That just doesn't happen in the world of self-contained special education.
* One of my students experienced a writing breakthrough when he came up with a fantastic lead all by himself. He was beaming and couldn't wait to share his story with the rest of the class.
And this is the best of all...
* I came home last night to a spotless house. Adam had spent his day off cleaning the house for me, so that I wouldn't have to this morning. :) He's the best!