burdened

November 14, 2009

I am feeling so burdened for one of my students right now. And I am compelled to write out his story if for no other reason than to help me process how I can be a better teacher for him.  He is an eighth grader with a cognitive disability that severely limiits his academic functioniong (he reads below a 1st grade level).  He lives in a group home - that fact brings me the most sadness- he does not have a single person in his life who chooses to be with him.  The people in his home life are there because it's their job. Of course I'm not saying that they are not doing the best they can to provide for his needs, but a group home is NO substitute for a family.  I strongly believe that this young man does not know what it feels like to be loved. So he comes to school and acts out- because he doesn't know how else to get attention, because he doesn't know how to express his frustration, because of so many factors in his life that are out of his control. He comes to my class everyday for 1 hour to get reading instruction.  When I read stories out loud to him and his classmates, he hangs on every word- and gets closer so he can see the pictures better and laughs out loud at all the funny parts.  This of course makes him impossible not to like.  But sometimes he gets really mad at me.  Like when I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do, or when I have to make him miss his recess because he won't stop talking and being silly with his classmates.  And then he says things like "I hate this school" or "I don't like your class."  And that makes me really sad because I know he doesn't mean that - but he doesn't know how to express his emotions or handle his anger and frustrations.  So I take him outside and tell him that I love having him as a student and then I whisper to him "you're one of  my favorite students and I would be so sad if you weren't in my class!" And when I say that- he tries to hide the smile that he can feel coming, but eventually he can't hold it in. (He's so easy to crack.) And then we go back in the classroom and continue learning about the difference between the long and short A sounds. 

But how can I truly help him? How can I keep my professional teacher/student relationship but at the same time show him what it feels like to be loved - unconditionally? And as finish this blog entry and think about how I am going to spend the rest of my weekend, I can't help but wonder - how is he spending his weekend?